Miles To Go Read online

  … I have promises to keep,

  And miles to go before I sleep.

  ROBERT FROST

  For my daughter

  TOWN OF DEEP CREEK AND SURROUNDING FIELDS

  Contents

  Anna: THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1948

  Maggie: THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12

  Anna: MONDAY, MARCH 1

  Maggie: TUESDAY, MARCH 16

  Anna: TUESDAY, MARCH 16

  Maggie: SATURDAY, MARCH 27, AND SUNDAY, MARCH 28

  Anna: MONDAY, APRIL 5

  Maggie: WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7, AND THURSDAY, APRIL 8

  Anna: WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14

  Maggie: FRIDAY, APRIL 16, AND SATURDAY, APRIL 17

  Anna: SATURDAY, APRIL 17

  Maggie: SUNDAY, APRIL 18, AND MONDAY, APRIL 19

  Anna: THURSDAY, APRIL 22

  Maggie: SATURDAY, APRIL 24, TO MONDAY, APRIL 26

  Anna: SUNDAY, APRIL 25

  Maggie: SATURDAY, MAY 1, AND SUNDAY, MAY 2

  Anna: SUNDAY, MAY 9

  Maggie: SUNDAY, MAY 9

  Anna: MONDAY, MAY 10

  Maggie: FRIDAY, MAY 14, AND SATURDAY, MAY 15

  Anna: TUESDAY, MAY 18

  Maggie: FRIDAY, MAY 21, AND SATURDAY, MAY 22

  Anna: SUNDAY, MAY 23

  Maggie: SUNDAY, MAY 23

  Anna: TUESDAY, MAY 25

  Maggie: MONDAY, MAY 24

  Anna: TUESDAY, MAY 25

  Maggie: TUESDAY, MAY 25

  Anna: THURSDAY, MAY 27

  Maggie: SATURDAY, MAY 29

  Anna: FRIDAY, JUNE 4

  Maggie: SUNDAY, JUNE 6

  Anna: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 9

  Maggie: SATURDAY, JUNE 12

  Anna: SUNDAY, JUNE 13

  Maggie: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16

  Anna: TUESDAY JULY 6

  Author’s Note

  Anna

  THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1948

  “MEET ME AT recess. Something terrible has happened,” I whisper to Maggie as we hang up our coats.

  “What is it? Tell me!”

  I shake my head. “Recess. The usual place.”

  For the rest of the morning, the classroom clock seems to be set on slow. Miss Alexander assigns a new project.

  “Write about one of our wild prairie animals,” she tells us. “Pick a partner and do research on an animal that interests you.”

  Maggie and I look across at each other. It’s agreed. We’ll be partners.

  Carolyn McAdam tries to get Maggie’s attention, but Maggie ignores her.

  She rolls her eyes at me. “Got out of that one.”

  Maggie’s smart and quick, and she’s always making funny comments in class. Usually I laugh with her, but right now I’m wondering if the recess bell is broken. When it rings at last, I grab my coat and rush to the far end of the playground. I plop myself down beside Maggie on our special bench. She’s there first, but in her rush she’s forgotten her jacket.

  Right away I spill it out. “My mother’s having another baby.”

  Maggie starts to smile, but her smile fades. She looks puzzled. “That’s okay, isn’t it?” she says, touching my arm.

  “Not with my family. Five kids are enough. Mama said she thought I’d feel that way. I should have guessed. She’s thin but she has a big tummy. Now the baby’s coming in three months.”

  “Gosh, that’s in May,” Maggie says.

  It’s hard for Maggie to understand why I’m upset. Her life is so different to mine, with her proper family and just one younger brother. And she lives in town, so she can walk to school. Not like me. My brothers and I live out in the country on a farm. We have to walk out to the main road to catch the school bus.

  “The worst thing is, I’m scared for Mama,” I tell Maggie. “Mrs. Covey’s the midwife who delivered all of us. She said Lucy should be Mama’s last. It would be too hard on Mama to have another baby.”

  “That’s scary,” Maggie says.

  “What if something happens to Mama? She could die.”

  Maggie’s shivering without her jacket. I put my arm around her.

  “I don’t understand why Mama would let this happen. Oh, I know how it happens.” I smile at Maggie and she smiles back. She has no idea how pretty she is. She hates having to wear glasses.

  “Papa sure doesn’t feel happy about it. Last night Berny was being goofy at supper and Lucy threw her dish of stew on the floor. Papa started yelling that there were too many damn kids around the house and he had to work his ass off to feed us all.”

  Maggie looks shocked. I wish she knew what it’s like here. Papa says those words—and worse—all the time.

  “It feels as though we’ve always had smelly diapers and crying babies around our place, Maggie. Helen’s only four. Lucy’s not even two.” I can feel the sting of tears behind my eyes. “I don’t want people to see us as a poor Polish family, stuck out on the farm with baby after baby coming.”

  “I don’t see you that way, Anna.” Maggie smiles sympathetically.

  I smile back. That’s just what a best friend would say.

  Maggie’s been my best friend for three years, ever since grade five when she was the new girl in school. She was sitting at her desk fiddling with a pencil and no one was talking to her. I went over and asked where she’d come from. Turned out her father’s in the RCMP and her family was transferred here from Regina. First time I’d met anyone whose father was a policeman. It didn’t take long for us to be friends.

  I can’t concentrate on school the rest of the morning. I can feel a thunder cloud heading toward our family.

  I found out about the baby two nights ago. The little kids were in bed, and Mama called me over to the couch. “You must know, Anna,” she told me. “One more baby comes in May.”

  Mama could see by my face that I was upset. She patted the couch. “Sit down with me.”

  I settled close against her. “Are you going to be all right, Mama?”

  She smiled at me. “I am lucky with good children. You are my big girl, Anna. We will manage with this baby.”

  I snuggled close to Mama and her arms wrapped around me like a warm sweater.

  One thing I know is that Mama loves all of us. With the light from the kerosene lamp falling in a watery circle on the kitchen table, the thought of another baby didn’t feel so bad.

  There’s nothing I can do about the new baby coming. It’s a fact, and I have to accept it. I’ll help as much as I can. But I’ll never be like Mama and have all those babies. My life will be different.

  Maggie

  THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12

  THE RCMP BARRACKS sits on a hill at the edge of town. My dad’s the sergeant and the officer in charge. He’s the most important person in Deep Creek. Even more important than the mayor.

  We live in the police barracks. Dad’s office is on the main floor. Our apartment is on the top floor, and we need to go up a set of outside stairs to reach it. In the basement are two prison cells and the janitor’s room. I know it’s weird, but I like it. From my bedroom window I can look right into the tops of the trees.

  It’s meat loaf and peas for dinner tonight, and Tommy’s trying to tell a stupid story about how no one gave him his turn on the swings in the playground. He’s doing the usual—separating the food on his plate. Mashed potatoes in one pile, canned green peas rolling around in another, with the lump of meat loaf sitting by itself on the edge of the plate. I know the routine. He’ll eat one pile at a time, first the potatoes, then the peas, and finally the meat loaf.

  “Stop slouching, Maggie,” Mom says. “Sit up straight at the table.”

  I straighten up. We eat in silence until I tell my news. “Anna’s mother’s having another baby.”

  Mom’s top lip tightens. “Good heavens, how many does that make?”r />
  “Six when the baby comes,” I tell her. “And it’s not fair. Anna’s the oldest girl and she has to do all the work to help her mother.”

  “Girls should help their mother,” Mom says. “You know that.”

  Tommy’s using his fingers to slide peas onto his fork. Mom looks at him with a little smile and doesn’t say anything.

  “Anna will be all right, Mags,” Dad says, giving me one of his lopsided grins. “The Lozowski family can manage their own business.”

  My dad’s the only person in the world who calls me Mags. It’s like a secret message between us. As if he’s saying, You’re special.

  When Tommy has finished the meat loaf, he gets up and stands beside Dad. He asks for the hundredth time if he can knock on the hard case that holds Dad’s gun. We’re never allowed to touch Dad’s pistol, but he sometimes lets Tommy knock on the holster case. Tommy gets away with it because people think it’s cute. It would not be cute if a girl my age did it.

  “One quick knock, Tommy,” Dad says, “and off you go to play.”

  Tommy knocks, grins at Dad, and is out the door. Mom gets up from the table to take the dishes to the sink. The cotton housedress clings to her skinny legs. It hurts my ears when she scrapes the plates.

  I push back my chair. “I have Social Studies homework to do.”

  “Not before you’ve helped with the dishes, my girl,” Mom says.

  “Why doesn’t Tommy have to help?”

  “Don’t you be lazy,” Mom answers.

  That’s so unfair.

  I stand beside her to dry the dishes. We don’t talk. When we’re done, I fling the knives and forks into the metal cutlery tray, throw the tea towel on the counter, and go down the hall to the living room.

  My mother likes us to call it the parlour. The cold word suits this room. There’s the green brocade chesterfield with petit-point cushions—made by her—in each corner and two stiff chairs. No comfortable seat where a person can curl up with a book.

  I prefer my bedroom, where I can lie on my bed and read. I prop up two pillows, cross one leg over the other in the air, and balance the book on my knee. But I’m too restless to read tonight. And I lied about having Socials homework.

  I should work on the scarf I’m knitting to give Mom for Mother’s Day, but I don’t feel like doing anything for her.

  I wonder if I even belong in this family. No one else has freckles like me. No one likes to read as much as I do. Apparently I have quite attractive blue eyes, but they’re behind glasses, which doesn’t help my looks. My bangs are cut so short—courtesy of my mother—they look like stubble in a hayfield.

  I decide to go down the hall to hear if my parents are talking about Anna’s family. They always talk when they smoke after dinner, and they don’t have a clue that I’m in the hall listening to every word.

  A match strikes and Mom says, “The man’s a brute. No one would breed a cow the way he breeds his wife.”

  I can hear Dad puff on his cigarette. “Poor guy barely makes a living. His herd’s a quarter the size of what most farmers around here run. He’s got some problems.”

  Mom’s winding herself up now. “Everyone knows he drinks like a fish. Spends half his time in town and leaves that poor woman to cope with all those kids. Someone should put a stop to it.”

  I remember once we saw Mr. Lozowski on Front Street. He was shouting and poking his finger in another man’s chest. Mom steered me across the street. People in town know Anna’s father has a drinking problem. Deep Creek is a small place. Folks know everything here.

  Poor Anna.

  Anna

  MONDAY, MARCH 1

  AT LUNCHTIME, MAGGIE gives me half her sandwich and a gingersnap cookie. I used up all the bread making sandwiches for the boys.

  “It’s terrible around our place,” I tell her. “Mama’s hardly eating anything but she’s getting bigger every day, and she’s tired all the time. She wasn’t like this with Helen and Lucy.”

  “She’ll be better after this baby’s born,” Maggie says.

  Maggie tosses her apple core in the waste basket. “At least your mother doesn’t pick on you. I feel like being mean back to her, but usually I’m not. I’m driving myself crazy knitting a scarf for her.”

  “I bet she’ll like it.”

  “I’m never sure with her, and I’m not that great at knitting. I keep dropping stitches. The thing’s full of holes.”

  Anna laughs. “They’ll let in fresh air, Maggie.”

  This afternoon we’re supposed to be working on our project. Maggie and Jerry keep tossing out wisecracks and making the other kids laugh.

  Maggie whispers to me, “Don’t you think Jerry’s a riot!”

  “Sure,” I say. “Listen. I’ve been reading about buffalo. They’re the largest mammal in North America. Let’s do our project on them. Did you know there used to be millions of buffalo roaming the prairie grasslands? The Cree, the Blackfoot, and the Métis hunted them with bows and arrows for food and clothing. Then the early settlers came bringing horses and guns, and by 1890 the buffalo were hunted almost to extinction. Now only a few thousand are in national parks and reserves.”

  “It sounds really interesting. The insignia badge on my dad’s uniform has a bison on it. Are bison the same as buffalos?” Maggie asks.

  “I think you can say either. Let’s find out.” I pass her the encyclopedia.

  We’ll both do the research and the writing, but I’ll do the final copy of the report because Maggie says my writing is neater. In fact, it is. She rushes through everything, and her writing shows it.

  We really like our teacher, Miss Leora Alexander, who is tall and wears long skirts. She has a high forehead and blond hair that curls around her shoulders. She’s the kind of woman you’d call graceful, and there aren’t many women around town like that!

  I want to be a teacher myself. My goal will be to make each of my students feel special. The way Miss Alexander makes me feel.

  After school, the bus lets us off at our farm on the south road. The boys race ahead and saddle up horses to go riding. In the house, Mama’s asleep in the armchair. She looks like a swollen rag doll. The girls are playing on the floor around her.

  Lucy rushes up to hug my legs. She’s whimpering, but I don’t know what’s wrong. She’s probably bored. I give her a hug back and wash her dirty face.

  I touch Mama’s arm. “Why not go upstairs for a proper lie-down?”

  Her eyes open and she gives me a tired smile. “Thanks, Anna. I think I will.”

  I read to the girls until it’s time to make supper. Stew again. Lucy makes a fuss about sitting in her high chair, so I hold her on my lap to eat. My school skirt ends up covered with gravy.

  Papa’s truck drives up as we finish. He digs into his plate of stew and then sends Joe out to milk Dover. I take the girls upstairs to get ready for bed.

  When I take them in to kiss Mama goodnight, she’s on her back with the covers pulled loosely over her.

  Helen says, “Mama’s got a baby sleeping in the bump. Can I kiss the baby, Mama?” She bends her dark head and kisses Mama’s tummy.

  Lucy reaches her arms for me to lift her so she can kiss the baby too. She smacks her lips and says, “Uh-hum.” Her only words so far.

  “’Night, little girls,” Mama says.

  Later, when I go in to kiss her goodnight myself, she says, “Thanks, my Anna. I would not manage without you. You are my strong one.”

  She’s wrong. I’m not strong.

  I go downstairs and tidy up the kitchen, but I’m too tired to work on the buffalo project.

  Maggie

  TUESDAY, MARCH 16

  AT RECESS, JERRY comes over to talk to me. “Hey, Maggie, so what’s it like living in the RCMP barracks?”

  “It’s neat. There are jail cells in the basement and there’s a janitor called Otto. He has a face like a toasted marshmallow.”

  “Why do you have a janitor?” Ruth asks. She’s a friendly girl in
our class.

  “He cleans the building and feeds the prisoners. We don’t always have prisoners in the cells. It’s very interesting when we do.”

  “Weird, more like it,” Carolyn says. She juts her chin out when she thinks she’s being smart.

  Jerry asks, “You ever see the prisoners?”

  “Sure. Last year,” I say, turning away from Carolyn, “I snuck down the inside stairs to get a look at one.”

  The kids stare at me.

  “I did! I got close and peeked around the corner. I saw the guy. He had sneaky eyes and dark stubble on his face.”

  Jerry edges closer. “What happened?”

  “Well, I guess he was surprised to see a girl standing there. He looked right at me and pointed his finger like a gun and went ‘BANG.’ I got out of there fast.”

  The girls look at each other. Jerry’s eyebrows slide up.

  I shrug. “You get used to living on top of criminals.”

  “Wow!” Carolyn says.

  Anna grins at me, her brown eyes sparkling as she flips her braids with the back of her hand.

  After the bell, we walk behind the lot where the school bus parks. The driver’s gone to the office and the bus kids are hanging around waiting. Anna’s big brother, who’s in high school, is there, and her younger brother, Berny, is joking around with the other kids.

  Anna and I sit down on the bench at the back where we can talk.

  “I wish you lived in town, Anna. We could get together after school and on weekends.”

  “I wish that too.”

  “My grandmother’s coming to stay with us soon,” I tell her.

  “Lucky you.”

  “She’s fun to be with. She always laughs at my jokes.”

  “Is she really old?”

  “I guess so. She has wrinkles on her face and brown spots on the back of her hands.”

  Anna laughs. “Freckles, like you!”

  “She has white hair and wears it swirled on top of her head with a silver clip at the back.”

  Anna smiles at me. “I like hearing about her. Our grandparents are in Poland. Mama and Papa said goodbye to them forever when they emigrated to Canada.”